New Stars
by Alan Spencer
Summary: A man finds himself taking care of Tomoe Mami, after her death in episode three. Reverse Self Insert.


**New Stars**

He awoke to a hair raising scream. Opening his eyes wide, he sat up, turned and saw a wom… no, a girl. A girl, several years younger that him. This a dream. That was the first thought that went through his head. But this couldn't be a dream. The oddly dressed young woman was trashing around, as if trying to escape for something. Tears streaked down her face, and the screams she gave sounded like she had lost all sanity.

Then, he noticed. On that young woman's hairpin, there was a gem, shaped like a flower. It was an odd detail to focus on, even if it was only for a few seconds. But he realized that he knew it, he had saw that gem before. Even if they last time had be through a computer screen, and it was just a drawing. He had seen it.

He pushed those thoughts aside. He didn't know what was going on, but he knew that this was not a dream. That was enough for him. He grabbed her, and awkwardly hugged her. She continued to trash around.

"C-calm down! Its fine, you're fine!" god, he really felt so stupid. He wasn't suited to this. He just wanted to calm her down, but he didn't know what to say. What to do. Less of all if what he was thinking of was the truth… no, his mind utterly refused to go there. She just looked like her, for fuck's sake. He couldn't jump the gun like this. "Its okay now, its okay!"

He was reduced to whisper meaninglessly niceties like that, as he ran his hands up and down her back. Her screams turned into chocking sobs, and she buried her face in his shoulder. Soon, the audible sobs stopped too, and she just remained there, lightly shaking. He could have moved but, honestly, he didn't have the courage to move and was still finding hard to dealt that this, all of this, was happening after another normal day. And wondering how it could have happened in the first fucking place.

She wasn't moving. To him, it seemed like she had be shut down. No, more like she wanted to shut herself down. That moment of clarity seemed almost surreal to him, because none of this made sense. To accept that a teenage girl got in his bed from some reason or another, wearing an elaborate cosplay of Tomoe Mami from Madoka Magica… it was just too much. It wasn't a dream, but it was too much. And the alternative was worse. He opened his mouth to say something, closed it again.

"Who are you?" that was, of all things, the first thing that came out of his mouth. "What are you doing here?"

He withdrew away from her, and looked at her. Her head was held down, and her hair obscured her eyes.

"Hey!" he grabbed her by the shoulders, and shook her. "Answer me."

Damn it, he needed it. He needed an answer. With each passing second, he was getting more and more nervous. The sound of his frantic heartbeat pounded in his ears. He took a deep breath, released it.

"I'm sorry. I, I just… I… could you explain me what's going on, please?" damn, he never was really good with kids, even when he had be a kid, so this was all kinds of awkward. "I help you in anyway I can, so don't worry."

No answer.

"Right. I bring you something to drink… or something. Stay there, okay?" Stay there? She didn't seem like she would move, at all. Forever. He scrambled to his feet, went to the kitchen, filled up a glass of water and went back. He went back to the side of the bed, and held the glass of water towards her, hoping that she would take it, drink. Hoping that she would calm down, explain and everything would start making sense again.

"...Why?" it surely was nothing but a trick his mind was playing on him, but her voice sounded just like her voice actress. Like the voice of Mizuhashi Kaori. And it had be Japanese, not English. His Japanese was rusty, but it was no poor enough to not understand her. Her voice was broken, anybody could tell she had be crying even without looking at her, but still, it was undeniable. His heart started beating faster. "Why now, when I finally had friends? I didn't want to die. And if I had to die, I would have preferred ceasing to exist. Not this… whatever this is."

The things she said were so vague, that his mind was veering off in strange directions. It made sense, if it was who she seemed. It made sense. And nobody would brother to actually stage this kind of shit for some cheap laughs, or something. So it looked like things were just like how it seemed they were. This girl.

"What's your name?"

"Tomoe Mami." she said, and let out a bitter little laugh for no reason.

Those two words made his blood turn to ice. Dying, when she finally had friends. He remembered Mami's death in Charlotte's jaws. It had seemed so harmless when watching it, nothing more that an interesting moment that finally convinced him Madoka Magica was an anime worth watching. However, just the very thought of a real person going through that made his stomach churn. The Soul Gem would have be shattered in instant, so likely she hadn't even suffered, but the terror of approaching death at the height of your happiness, knowing that you couldn't do anything to get out of it…

It just was too much.

"You're not death, Tomoe-san." god, after so long he even felt awkward speaking in Japanese. Had he made some sort of mistake? That thought ate away at him as he awaited a reaction, any reaction. She showed a tiny, bitter smile..

"Yeah?" it wasn't a question. "Then what is this, then?"

"… I don't know, but I know that you're not dead. I sure as hell I'm not dead, for one, so you can't be." ah, shit. He had be thinking of telling her, well, everything. Telling something like that to a traumatized girl was an obviously horrible idea, but what else could he do? Tomoe Mami didn't exist in this world, saved as a anime character. She was a no person.

That wouldn't be an obstacle, once he made her understand reality, but if she let her go without even letting her know the truth would get her committed to a mental asylum for believing herself an anime character. To be honest, he was starting to think he had gone crazy, somehow. And not because this was crazy, but because it made sense in his head. If only a little bit.

"And how can you be so sure?" she answered. Great, another doubt to the pile. Along with coma dream and craziness.

"Look, I'm… I have to show you something. You're not going to like it, I'm not going to like showing you that..." he bit his lip. "Is not what it sounds like, I swear. Is just proof of what I said."

She didn't answer. He grabbed his laptop, turned it on, sat down besides Mami and put the laptop in the middle, so both could see.

"Please, pay attention to this." he said. She looked at the screen with empty, dead eyes. He hesitated, for an instant. Then he pressed play.

They watched the first episode together. And the second, too. She didn't talk, she didn't move, and her facial expression was pretty much unchanging during the whole way through. Even during most of episode three, she didn't show any reaction. Then, came her death scene. Her eyes widened, her face grew paler as she started lightly trembling as she listening to the sounds of Charlotte chewing her body off screen. She looked down.

"Turn it off." she muttered, on the verge of tears again. He did. Slowly, without taking his off her. "Good."

A bright flash, and then, suddenly, she had a musket on one hand. Smiling, she pointed it at her head. He lunged at her, knocking her down, ripped the musket from her hands and threw it away. He grabbed her waist, and kept her below him. She struggled to get him away. Tears were streaking down her face. What this scene would be taken as by anybody walking in didn't escape his mind, even in this situation. But right now, he didn't care.

"Stop that." he let out a breath. "Stop. Just stop, please. There's, you know, parallel universe theory and all of that. Sure you heard about it, right? This doesn't meant that you're not real. You're real. And your life is worth living. You can't kill yourself. You have suffered so much, so you can't kill yourself."

Mami stopped.

"Then what I'm supposed to do?"

"You..." he shallowed. He hugged her again, not really thinking of what he was doing. "You have to live. You can still live. Is not over. Is not over, as long as you're alive. You can still find happiness, so please, don't give up."

She started crying again, and hugged him back.

* * *

She eventually calmed down. After that awkward hug was over and done with, there was another flash of light and she instantly changed to normal clothes. And by normal clothes, he meant the Mitakihara Middle School uniform. He had know before, when she pulled out that musket out of nowhere, and that only cemented that this was reality and he better dealt with it.

He had lot of things to think about, but first of all, he conviced her into talking about her world. It turned out that there wasn't much of a difference. Like this world, but somewhat more advanced. Also, obviously the fi-other places that didn't exist here. He had already assumed as much, but it was good to have confirmation. So, after that, he told her what they didn't have that her world had and vice versa. It took a couple of hours.

After that talk, she went to sleep. He went out of the room, of course. That she was so willing to go to sleep in a stranger's home didn't reassure it all. On the contrary. It wasn't normal for her, or for any girl, to be so apathetic. Despite her cheerful exterior, Mami was fully aware of the ugly. No matter how he had acted towards her, she couldn't be sure he wouldn't be willing to do something… unpleasant. He hadn't even though about that, of course he hadn't, but the possibility remained. And the point wasn't what he thought, but what should she be worrying about.

But what could he do? She had spend for so long knowing that her life didn't have any meaning, that nobody could remember her when she was gone, that nobody would care about her sacrifice. She had spend so much time fighting on with those worries, day after day, and all because she had wanted to live. How ironic. He could have laughed, but there was nothing funny about it all. She should be broken beyond repair, and her current circumstances sure as hell weren't doing shit to fix her damage.

Would she ever smile for real ever again?

"Damn it." his hands went to his head, and he clenched, clenched, clenched. For the first time in his whole life, he just felt like taking the first sight he saw and smash it apart until he was satisfied. But he didn't. "This is such bullshit..."

* * *

He didn't sleep that night. He spend the whole night wide awake, waiting at the door, since he was too worried Mami would try to kill herself again to sleep. Instead, he spend those hours thinking over what happened, what would he do, what he could do and what would be best for all of them.

At half past eight, he went back into the room and woke her up. That was then that he realized that she only had her school uniform- which would be too noticeable and would get upset the second she was recognized as Tomoe Mami and people started piling on her and asking her about her 'cosplay- and her Puella clothes, she didn't have any other clothes. He should have brought some, but it hadn't even crossed his mind until now. Well, he was accustomed to only have to care about himself, so he had a small slip. That could have happened to everybody.

She woke up, looked at him, still half sleep, and slowly sat up.

"What is it?"

"We need to talk. You don't exist in this world and, uh, you can't have a normal life with that so we have to do something about it. You can't tell them your life story, so lets say you have amnesia. I found you yesterday passed out in some place, in, uh… an alley in Aberdeen Street. Is a street close to my house, if you're wondering. Anyway. They will investigate missing people, to see if you match and if nothing comes up… well, maybe even before they try to investigate the disappearances, they will take a blood sample to see if they can find your real family. They won't, obviously. But after that they bright you to an orphanage, and you will have everything you need to start a new life here, in this world."

"… I don't want to go to a orphanage. Why can't I stay with you?"

"W-what? Why do you even want to stay?"

"You're the only familiar face in this world, to me." she muttered.

"You will meet other people, people sure as hell better that me. Make some friends. Look. Is… nice of you to say that, but you're only clinging to what's familiar to you here because you have lost everything. But be reasonable. In a few days I'm sure I will be just a memory."

"I understand." she said, with a bitter smile. "You don't want me, right? I'm only a burden."

"N-no, that's…" he sighed. "Okay, maybe… I sure as hell wasn't expecting this, and does bring me a few problems, but I like you, Tomoe-san. I know a lot about you, and I like all of it." mostly, at least. But she didn't need to know about those parts. "That's why I was insisting of that. But if you want to stay, I have no problems with that."

She nodded.

* * *

They went to the police station together. But before that, he went and brought her some new clothes that looked like they could fit her. And they fit her, somewhat. At least, it was something she could wear. Mostly because if they stumbled into an anime fan and they looked at her, she would have to be reminded of how things were now by that person. She didn't need that.

He told his little story, and Mami corroborated it. Things proceeded as he had expected. The investigation went on, and while that was going he took tentative custody of her, so to say. They didn't find anything, obviously. Nothing at all. She was made to go to a physiologist to see if she could be made to remember, and while she didn't really need that kind of shit, she had to dealt with it. Oh, well.

It was a quite turbulent month and half, but all in all, he ended up taking custody of her and she was put in a local middle school after acing the entrance exam.

* * *

He was a freelance translator. His schedule wasn't as tight as it could be, so he went with his car to give her a ride. Maybe he should have just let go back alone, when she wanted, but he felt the need to do it, all the more because it was her first day. In this world where she didn't have to fight as a Puella Magi, she could finally relax. So he had be hoping just simply living a normal life would do her some good. She hadn't left home in those months, not except when she had to, so basically that was his last hope.

He unlocked the doors when he saw her come. She went inside, sat down, greeted him and tied the seatbelt. She didn't say anything else, but she looked cheery. And it didn't feel fake or forced. At least, not to him. So… had things turned up all right, after all, or was it only wishful thinking?

"Did something good happen?"

"Yes." her smile grew softer. "I made some friends."

* * *

When back home, he noticed that her Soul Gem had turned a little black. He froze. He almost felt his blood turn to ice, and he just, he didn't know what to say, think, do. It felt almost like his head had stopped working. He just stared, as if entranced. He assumed that, since this wasn't her world, the laws of her wouldn't apply. But that was stupid. He had only be deluding himself.

"What's wrong?" Mami asked, looking up at him. Honestly concerned for him.

"Nothing, don't worry." that wouldn't be stopped. Without Witches, the Soul Gem couldn't be recovered. So her life was on a time limit, even though she wasn't using the least bit of magic. And it grew dark, she would turn into a Witch. A monster from another world, that nobody could possible see coming and nobody could stop. What… what could he do? "I just… I thought I saw I person I kind of hate, to be honest. But I was wrong."

"Oh. Okay."

* * *

While he was trying to sleep, there was a knock at the door. He sat up immediately, his heart beating faster. What would Mami now? She had her own room, and her own bed now, so it was difficult to imagine a reason for her to be knocking at his door at this hour.

"C-come..." he yawned. "Come in."

The door opened, and Mami entered, barefooted. It was hard to see in this darkness, barely illuminated by the moonlight streaming through the window, but her expression… it brothered him.

"What's wrong?"

"Uh." she grabbed her left arm with her right hand, and looked away from him. "I had… nightmares. About… you know. Can I stay here, just for tonight?"

"Oh, sure. I get out right now."

"No, I meant… can I stay with you tonight?"

"...Okay." he didn't even bat an eye. To him, she was already his precious daughter, so he didn't see an issue with that. "Come in."

He didn't forget the way she latched on to him, that night, not her relaxed smile once she finally feel asleep. He couldn't have forgot that. He just wished he could give her that peace, even in reality.

* * *

Three months passed. The Soul Gem was slowly but steadily growing darker. Mami had noticed it, of course. It wouldn't have be impossible for her to not notice. She had left it on her night stand, after he had convinced her to not break it or something. So of course she noticed. But she just thought that nothing would happen once it turned black, not in this world.

He unlocked the doors as she approached. He intently watched as she waved goodbye to a few friends. One of those girls stopped her, so he rolled down the window.

"… you're fifteenth, and he looks twenty something, six, eight maybe even thirty, at the most. At what age did your parents hook up?"

"Ah, no." Mami answered, with a sheepish smile. Her English had be pretty good even when she arrived, and now, apart for a slight accent, she pretty much spoke like a native. "He took custody of me, and he's not in relationship with anybody."

"Oh! Isn't that hard?"

"Maybe, at first. However, I think of him as my dad, now. He looks grumpy all the time, but he's a really nice person."

He rolled up the window, again, at looked down. Yeah. To be honest, he thought about her as his daughter, too. He constantly worried for her, cared for her, and fused about every little thing. When she accomplished something, even though he knew it didn't have anything to do with it, he felt as proud as if he had done so himself.

She was no his biological daughter, she didn't have his surname, but that didn't matter. Before, he only thought about himself. Now, when making a decision all he could think about was 'what would be the best for Mami?' and 'what would make Mami happy?'. As far as he was concerned, she was his daughter. And it was good to heard that she thought of him like that, but…

But.

* * *

A year and a few months. Looking back, it was hard to believe so much time had passed. That they had be living for so long, together. Mami had progressed. No matter where she would go, there was nobody in this world who could really understand her experiences, but it seemed like she had connected with some classmates. At least, she spoke fondly of them.

"Mami." he asked her, while she was preparing for school. "If you could have anything, or go anywhere, what would you ask for?"

Ah, shit. He should have thought about his wording better.

"… Uh, I would like to go to Disney Land, even if it was just once." Mami answered, like it was nothing. He had expected for her to get downcast, or even to get angry that he had just reminded her of what she had lost. But there was no reaction.

"Disney Land?" he repeated.

"What's with that reaction?" she pouted. "Are you going to call me childish?"

"No, no, I just… I didn't…" he let out a breath. "Well, let's go to Disney Land, then, Mami."

"Really?" she sounded excited for it, too.

"Really. I couldn't break a promise." he thought about it better. "Well, not with you, anyway."

* * *

So they went to Disney Land together. To his surprise, it really was lot of fun, even at his age. Though, well. That probably had less to do with Disney Land, and more with Mami. Because he could see her smile more that she usually did. Because before her parents died she might have done something like this, but she had spend so much time fighting that it would seem a world away, and now she was here, enjoying herself like a normal girl. Because, he had the feeling that this trip had made them grow closer together.

Yes, it really was a lot fun.

But he couldn't take his mind off her Soul Gem, who by now was more that halfway covered in blackness.

* * *

There was a knock at the door. He was startled a little, but it didn't surprise him. Not really. After that night, it had become a monthly routine. Sometimes a little more than that.

"Come in."

Mami entered the room, closed the door behind her and got into the bed without saying a word. She hugged him, and put her head against his chest. He hugged her back, and closed his eyes. He had be unable to sleep, no matter how hard he tried. But like this, he felt that he could. Just to put it off again, even if it was just for one more night.

"Thank you." Mami whispered. "I have already said it before, many times, but I never felt like I have said it enough. I desired to have friend who I could share my struggles with, who could understand my pain, what I have gone through. My desire to escape. But you… apart for sharing my struggles, you have given me everything else. And you have given me a normal life. When I think of you, I think of you as my father. I… I just want you to know that. I love you."

"I..." his voice was broken. His vision was muddy, and he felt tears streaking down his face. "I love you, too. You're the daughter I never had."

"I glad to heard that."

He waited. He waited, until he was sure she had fell asleep. Then, he softly kissed her on the forehead.

"Sweet dreams, Mami." he wished, in a voice barely audible, crying.

Slowly, carefully, he got out of the bed. He searched on the drawer of his own nigh stand, and didn't take long to find it. He grabbed it, put it on his pocket. Then he went out of the room, and into her room. He turned on the lights. He stared at the Soul Gem, who was already almost completely covered in blackness, and took off the thing he had a grabbed from his drawer. A gun. He had got a concealment carry permit two years ago, after a brief period as a security guard.

He raised the gun, aimed it. His right arm started to tremble. He grabbed the right arm with his left, tried to steady it. He had to do it. He knew he had to do it. If he didn't do it, Mami would turn into a Witch. No, more than that. If she turned into a Witch, her familiars would grow into Witches, and the familiars of those Witches would grow more Witches, and without Puella Magi, this world would definitively be lost.

She had used magic to try to kill herself, the first day he had meet her. That had to meant she would also turn into a Witch. It didn't matter that this world wasn't hers, than that shouldn't have to happen here. He had to do it. He had to do it. He had to do it or everybody would be as good as dead.

It made sense.

It was only natural to end things here.

So, why? Why couldn't he do it?

Obviously. Because Mami was his daughter. Because he was her father, he loved her and he wanted her to be happy. He just, he couldn't end her life with her own hands. He couldn't, no matter what were the reasons for it. But. She wouldn't have wanted that. If she knew, she wouldn't have killed herself, first of all. Even if she didn't snap, in this world, when she had not chance of recovering the Soul Gem's brightness, she would have surely killed herself.

He laid down the Soul Gem, put the pillow over it and pressed the barrel of the gun against it. Then, he pressed the trigger. The noise was a bit reduced, more that he had expected, but it didn't eliminate it. With any luck, the neighbourhoods wouldn't have heard it. Honestly, he didn't really care. The noise of the Sou l Gem breaking had overrode his thoughts. Now, he felt like a machine. A cheap machine.

He let the gun fall, and went back to the other room. Mami was there, her eyes closed. There was no indication of the murder he had committed. To anybody that came in, she would have looked to be sleeping. He approached her. He approached the side of the bed, and bend down to check her pulse. Nothing. Of course. Nothing at all.

With his head on her shoulder, he started crying harder, desperately clinging to the corpse beneath him, who was still warm.

He screamed.


End file.
